We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
