So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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