i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Can I color on your dick again?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
