I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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