Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
