someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
