Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
this is an emotional support booty call
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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