How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
