You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
