just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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