I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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