Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize