U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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