I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
