I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I think my vagina is haunted
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
