I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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