just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize