I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
