I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
