I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
