we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
