your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
