I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
This baby is an asshole
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm bleeding and have questions
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
