Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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