I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize