Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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