she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
