I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
