dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
