You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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