im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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