you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I supernannyed him into submission
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
