The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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