just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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