Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
