I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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