Me. At least after what I've been through.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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