I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
