No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
