i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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