let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
