Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I party with great urgency now.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
