I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
