Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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