And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
