Cold hands, warm shart.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize