I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
