NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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