We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
