we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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