accomplished twins. life is a go
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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