Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
