WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
