I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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