All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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