I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
What changed your mind?
Being sober
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Randomize
