dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
