I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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