I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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