Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
