I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
