Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
