my mouth tastes like poor choices
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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