I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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