Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
