I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
