I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
