she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
