The maid of honor just puked.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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