We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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