I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
