either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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