I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize