I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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