Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
