I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
