We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
