2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
