Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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