He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
