Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize