you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
