SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Damn victory sex feels great
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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