I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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