he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize