We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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