I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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