There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
