what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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