Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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