legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
you made out with another girl for some wings
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
