Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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