she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize