I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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