This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
