this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize