sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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