he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
