thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
