I'm going to jail i love you
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
