Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
