did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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