So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
